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Chalice of Night - a self-imposed literary challenge.

So, I wondered how many writers got started after reading some book and in sneering disdain say to themselves; "What the hell?! I could write better than this!" Because it's true. There's a whole lot of crap out there. What bothers me the most is, though, how much of this crap becomes insanely popular. Like, for example, Stephanie Meyer's "Twilight".

I confess that until now, I've never read "Twilight". I picked it up in a bookstore, opened it to a random page, and read a little bit. I discovered two things.

A) It was written in the first person. This, as a literary trope, never agrees with me unless it is autobiographical.
B) HOLY MARY-SUE, BATMAN

I have since done a little research. People who have read the book (or books) fall into three categories - 1) "lolwut", 2) screaming fan-girls, and 3) semi-digusted rage.

There will always be people who fall into the "lolwut" category if something has any form of popularity, so this one I can understand. The "lolwut"ers have a little more credence here, though, which a little investigation revealed to me. The main character, Bella Swan, is in fact actually a Mary-Sue. No joke. She is described as being, down to the very last detail, exactly what Stephanie Meyer looks like. Seriously. It's basically self-insertion fan-fic. My reaction? "Lolwut". I mean, come ON, Stephanie, at least change her eye-colour or something.

There will always be screaming fan-girls. Always always always. It's just one of those things. But there is a difference between girls getting emotionally attached to Harry Potter and dressing up like Ginny Weasley, and... well... this.

http://io9.com/5204316/twilight-fans-stab-choke-and-beat-haters-into-submission

Seriously. Kind of puts people who list their religion as "Jedi" into perspective, doesn't it?

And last of all, there is the semi-disgusted rage category. Why the rage? Well, like I say, I haven't read the books, but the general intraweb anger surrounds the fact that it promotes unhealthy, abusive relationship behaviours. Let me quote from a hilarious article which, eventually, cuts to the quick and sums the matter up quite nicely;

"So, the next generation of young women are currently flocking to see a female lead starring in a movie by a female director based on a bestselling book by a female author, and in this movie the main character wants to become completely submissive and self-sacrificing for a male."

http://www.cracked.com/article_16878_if-twilight-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html

The series, apparently, only gets worse as it goes along, with the final book recieving critisism including such gems as "shockingly, tackily, sick-makingly sexist" and "Bella Swan lives to serve men and suffer."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breaking_Dawn#Reception

You can understand why I don't actually want to read "Twilight". But what bothers me how how such a widely popular book series can have such a negative message and impact on those who read it. I mean, Harry Potter books have been banned because it was believed they would promote witchcraft, but the underlying message in the series is to be a good person, be true to your friends, and stand up against injustice. This is a positive thing! It's a far cry from the constant "I will sacrifice myself for you utterly" thing going on in the "Twilight" series.

So, I kind of think I can do better. Less hackneyed, ham-fisted, and abusive. I'm going to see what I can do. I guess this is a round-about way of psyching myself up to get back into my own writing and just having a shot at it.

I seem to have become obsessed with hating "Twilight", even though I have never read or seen it. Helped in part by the hilarious blow-by-blow chapter reviews over at http://vampirely.wordpress.com/.

I've thought of kind of a fun project for myself, just as something to try out until I get bored of it. Actually, two possible projects, with much the same end.

1) Re-write "Twilight" as something good
2) Write a very similar story, but with witches. Or witchalocks. You get the idea.

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2009/1/19/

My plan would be to take each chapter in turn, read it, then write something of my own devising that follows the same structure and pacing, as close to the same number of words as possible. This isn't plagirism, as the content would be entirely my own; it would essentially be writing to a formula. My own characters, my own plot, but following the same dramatic flow.

Girl meets boy. Girl attracted to boy. Boy turns out to be unexpectedly dangerous. Guys kick down the doors and start shooting people when things get dull. No sparkles or mormon overtones.

If anything, this is more a work of parody than anything else. Please don't level lawsuits at me, I don't have any money.

Resources

"Twilight - Special Edition", S. Meyer, 2006 (reprinted 2009), Atom, Great Britain
http://vampirely.wordpress.com/
http://www.cracked.com/article_16878_if-twilight-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twilight_(novel)
http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/twilight.html
http://twilightsaga.wikia.com/wiki/Twilight_Saga_Wiki

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